I have felt compelled to write since I was a young girl. I found great joy in writing short stories and poems when I was a teenager. I am a very shy person and find it very hard to express myself face to face. In my mind I would get so angry with myself, and even count to three working up the courage to speak. However, on a piece of paper I am able to do anything. I can create a whole new world that I feel comfortable in. I often used poems as a means to express my feelings of distance, sadness and loneliness. I gave up writing as a young adult. Since then I have felt a loss. I always promised myself that I would complete the story I was meant to write before I was thirty. However, that time has come and gone. I tried to tell myself that it was a child’s dream and to move on. Today, though, I find myself here with an overwhelming urge to write. I have been praying a lot, and my testimony keeps coming to mind. Normally I wouldn’t even consider it. The thought of people knowing things about me, that I tried to hide, frightens me to no ends. I used to write as an escape, not to direct a spot light on myself. As time moves on however, the more comfortable I feel with writing about my personal relationship with God. When I took the focus off of myself, I realized why it had taken me so long to write. I didn’t see the bigger picture. I just saw my personal struggles out in broad daylight. Now, I realize that it is my testimony that I am meant to write. All this time I thought I was meant to write some great American novel. If I would have focused more closely on God, I would have realized that my path was laid out for me. I just had to be obedient, and have faith. (NKJV) Isaiah 55:8-9, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. We are all meant to give witness of Jesus, and this is my way of witnessing.
My earliest memory of God was when I was five or six years old. I was in the waiting room of a doctor’s office and there on a table was a children’s book about God. It fascinated me. I learned of the ark and all the animals that entered it and the parting of the sea. My eye’s were opened to a whole new world. I fell in love with the Creator of the universe. From then on I communicated with Him often. As an adult I have struggled with my flesh a lot. Looking back I can see the damage that I have created in my life because I allowed my flesh to have control. I have made poor decisions from choosing the wrong career, to bad financial decisions. It is so easy for me to get lost in the world of selfishness, especially now. Everywhere you look there is something to keep you preoccupied from your prayer life, to just knowing who you are. For example, you can live vicariously through reality television, video games or being online. I have allowed these simple minded devises to rob me from the ultimate gift, my relationship with God. All the while He continued to call me.
Letting go and trusting God has been an ongoing learning experience for me. The times that I have let go and trusted God are the most amazing experiences in my life. One time in particular is when my husband got a vasectomy when my first born was only six months old. I was absolutely devastated. As I tried to persuade my husband from going through with it, he would tell me that is was all going to be alright. I would scream inside, “how is it going to be alright!” Prayerfully, my husband has regretted it and agreed to have it reversed. That alone brought so much relief to the pain I was experiencing of possibly never having another child. However, my hope was greatly diminished when I found out the cost of a reversal. I knew we couldn’t possibly afford it. I continued to pray to God that He would allow me to get pregnant regardless of the vasectomy, or bless us with the money to afford the reversal. A year later, my husband called the doctor’s office to double check the cost of the reversal. He figured we were going to pay for the reversal no matter how much it cost. The nurse he spoke to suggested that we call some doctors outside our area, their rates may be lower, she said. I was shocked to find out that they were much lower. It was well over 50 percent cheaper than what it cost locally! Praise God! Today I wonder if it was actually God speaking through my husband when he had told me that everything is going to be alright. I have learned that if I just trust God with everything, He can turn any situation into good.
Ultimately, I wanted to give my testimony because I believe that is what we are all meant to do. (NKJV) Luke 17:12-17, Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. And they lifted up their voices and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” So when He saw them, He said to them, “Go, show yourselves to the priest.” And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed. And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan. So Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? Many who were saved had changed. Even today, if you were granted to be debt free from all that you owe, wouldn’t you proclaim it to everyone. Exclaim your salvation!
